


Big Decisions

by MooseFeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drug Use, End!verse, Episode: s05e04 The End, Memory, PTSD, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MooseFeels/pseuds/MooseFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas remembers; they made him watch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Decisions

The wood of the floors is hard under his back, but Cas is so far out, he doesn't care. Doesn't mind.

There's something playing on the record player, he's not really sure what. Maybe UB40? He's pretty sure it's reggae but he has trouble with the names of the types, especially when he's this high up. Might be some zydeco or just some blues. He likes the sound of that word-  _zydeco_. Likes what the people of that part of the country did to French. It's kind of fucked up- it's  _real_ fucked up, but it's not unpleasant.

"Ground control to major tom," someone giggles next to him. "You in there, baby?" She's got a high pitched voice, quite pretty, in her way. Long, long hair. She's a little smaller than she was a few months ago, but scarcity and work will do that to a body. She didn't look bad then, though. She doesn't look bad now.

These bodies and their potential to  _change,_ it's almost too much for him sometimes. 

"Commencing countdown, engines on," he sighs in response, and she smiles.

"Was worried you weren't in there," she says, like maybe he really will just  _drift_ _away_ one day. 

Wouldn't that be nice.

He wants to listen to The Beach Boys all of the sudden,  _Pet Sounds_ in particular, but he's too out to sit up and change the record.

A door opens.

"Hate this Bonnie Raitt shit," Dean grumbles as he stomps into the cabin. "Fuckin'  _mom_ music. Next thing I know, someone will have given you fucking Joanie Mitchell." The names is said with terrible venom; it's enough to make Castiel laugh. 

The girl next to him slides out of the house and it's just him and Dean.

"Fuck are you laughing at?" Dean growls.

He's so angry all the time. Furious.

Castiel closes his eyes and smiles.

"Did you know," he says, "they made me watch?"

There isn't an answer.

"Angels, up there, when they're not active, they have to watch. Have to record all of history for the library, see, and those books just don't write themselves," he continues.

He laughs again. Laughs and laughs and laughs.

"I did a lot of watching," he says. " _Lot_ of watching." 

Dean crashes around, looking for something.

"Did you know they burned their own fields?" He laughs again. Eyes still shut. "I can still smell it, sometimes. So many hundred thousands dead and they burned their own fields. Crazy Russian bastards."

"If you don't stop that, I'm gonna call in a doctor," Dean says, roughly. Everything about him is rough, these days. "He's already worried about the pills; I don't want to tell him what you've been taking on top of that."

"You can't hide anything from a doctor, Dean," he says. He flips him off for good measure, smiling.

"Siege of Leningrad, Dean, they made me watch," he says.

"Seriously," he answers. "What the fuck is that, Russian? You sound like a bad cartoon."

"900 days, Dean," Castiel says. "That's how long they made me watch." 

Dean pulls him up from the floor, and Castiel's head spins. Dizzy. Tired. 

"You can't even fuck with me in English anymore," Dean murmurs, brushing Castiel's sweaty hair from his face. "Can you hear me? You in there?"  
"They were so hungry they ate each other," Castiel says, so tired he cannot laugh anymore. 

"Yeah, you're in there," Dean grumbles. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

"Cold shower," Castiel mutters. "Like a cold shower."

First sentence in English he's had with Dean today.


End file.
